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SENSEI?
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Ø Thyme 4 a laff about Children
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, teletubbies or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve and the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden
fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
Ø THERE IS HOWEVER, REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? Ø
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 15 telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own
children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in. Ø
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day. AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN" Sorry about that – we just had the grandchildren for three days solid.
My name is Don and I'm a bonsaiholic. Now, where are those tablets?
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SENSEI?
Group: Administrators
Last Login: Today @ 9:45:15 AM
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 I need one of these for late night early morning browsing.
My name is Don and I'm a bonsaiholic. Now, where are those tablets?
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Genius
Group: Administrators
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While we are all talking about petrol ................... A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'
'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling,
David Miliband and Jack Straw. They're asking for a £10 million ransom.
Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.' The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?' 'Most people are giving about a gallon.'
Kath
UK - Zone 8
"Patience is a virtue"
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Genius
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 1/5/2009 3:31:58 PM
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SENSEI?
Group: Administrators
Last Login: Today @ 9:45:15 AM
Posts: 480,
Visits: 2,436
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All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all Things wise and wonderful, the lord god made them all.
But what they never mention, though gardeners know it's true is That when he made the goodies, he made the baddies to.
All things spray and swattable, disasters great and small, all things
Paraquatable, the lord god made them all.
The greenfly on the roses, the clubroot on the greens, the slugs That eat your lettuce and chew the aubergines, the drought that Kills the Fuchsia's, the frost that nips the buds, the rain that drowns The seedlings, the blight that hits the spuds.
The midges and mosquitoes, the nettles and the weeds, the Pigeons in the green stuff, the sparrows in the seeds.
The fly that gets the carrots, the wasp that eats the plums, how Black the gardener's outlook, though green maybe his thumbs.
But still we gardeners labour, midst vegetables and flowers.
And pray what hits our neighbors may somehow bypass
Ours. BOOM BOOM!
My name is Don and I'm a bonsaiholic. Now, where are those tablets?
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 9/25/2008 3:27:46 PM
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Excellent, Don, where did you drag that up from?
I'm especially liking the new adjective "paraquatable" 
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